Sunday, November 26, 2006

American baseball bat

I was inspired by a post last month in the great that featured horrible reviews for classic literature, so I propose a new internet passtime. Think of things that to you are nearly perfect, unassailable masterpieces. Now go on Amazon and find the worst customer reviews for it. Fun, no? Here are some of mine, particularly in the video game realm.

Super Mario Bros.

Reviewer: David

This game is so weird. Bowser has kidnapped princess toadstool. There is no way to continue or save your game. The music also goes fast when the timer reachs 99.


Reviewer: Michael Newberg

I don't really consider this a game. Yes, it is very different. But, what is good in diffrence is bad in gameplay. The princess cannot climb chains at all. Can't she feel a chain? COME ON! The combat is stupid. Look at me! I'm hitting black shadows with a stick! WOW! The puzzles are interesting, but i hate that call that Ico has when calling for Yorda. SQUAWK! Also, PLEASE TRANSLATE YORDA! Maybe i'm not a fan of puzzle games. Oh well.

Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion

Reviewer: Carl C. Branstetter III

…As bad as it is, it remains better than the remaining lackluster titles one can find today. Even as AOL destroyed online discourse by opening the internet gates to the unwashed hordes, so also has the gaming industry been destroyed by the unsophisticated legions of minors in control of mommy's VISA card…

Katamari Damacy

Reviewer: N.S. Goldstein

The guys who made this game must have been on an acid trip at the time. All you do is roll over objects, picking them up, and you get bigger. There is no point to this game! Dont read the other reviews! This is a bad game. The only reason it gets two stars is because sometimes it is SOOOO bad, it can be funny.

Final Fantasy 6 (or 3, if you’re going by the actual US release numbering)

Reviewer: A gamer

Final Fantasy III...Final Fantasy`s all the same to me. This game is horrible and practically unplayable. The challenge is just a LITTLE too high,and level building takes hours and isn`t even worth it. Stick with FFVII

Super Mario World

Reviewer: A Kid’s Review

this game is too beat the game 100% is a real challenge.the graphics are the only good thing about this heap of rubish.

It's alot of fun to do this for books and movies and such, so you can scratch your head at how some kids just don't get it.

So how are you? I am well. Thanksgiving came and went, Bethany's dad cooks a good turkey. Yum. I was very sick for the holiday, so I consumed far less than I normally would... perhaps that's a good thing.

In other news, I've been working on things and procrastinating a tad, which is bad and not really my style. I've been trying to keep on top of things, though, and Cleo has been kind enough to remind me repeatedly.

Last night we hung out with the Leventrys (I believe that's how it's spelled). We had some fancy dinner and then compared apartments, cats, and so forth. It was fun grownup shenanigans and we shared stories about our cats, apartments, married life and plans for kids. So dull are we! We even swapped DS games, but Melissa dosen't play. What the heck? After they disappeared into the shockingly warm evening, we spent an hour putting together our soulless artificial tree. It looks... like we paid $40 for it at Target. Bethany put it best when she said "Well, it tries". I am content with it and will learn to love its bristly plastic goodness.

I haven't had any work to post lately because it's all been video type stuff. I will endeavor to either take some screen shots or post some clips and so forth, that you may gaze into the impenetrable awesomeness that is everything i do.

Church was good today, still odd to me as I'm not used to any sort of structured sunday-morning thing anymore. I do like alot of the things Hot Metal Bridge Faith Community does, and the people there are very very cool. AND there is free food, so how can you go wrong with that (other than Jonestown, perhaps).

More later, kids. I'm off to do stuff.

Monday, November 13, 2006


Hello kids.

I've not updated in a bit, but that's because we were moving. So bite me.

Be back with more stuff very soon.